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[13 Feb 2006|09:55pm] |
Tomorrow's Valentines Day, yuck. I think it's ironic that I still think it's stupid even though I have a boyfriend who I absolutely adore. But I hate he goes to a different school. I'm sick of kids talking so much shit and then not backing it up. And the fact everytime I put so much effort into a friendship it somehow falls apart. Kailey and Matt are the only ones I am close to anymore, and surprisingly I'm content. I have a job, and I have a boyfriend who I love. I have a few good friends, I'm happy.
Pointless entry, I know.
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[08 Jan 2006|08:27pm] |
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I don't feel like I am worth anybody's time, and vice versa. I have about 2 people in the entire world that I can count on, and I am greatful for them. But I feel like I am lacking in so many areas. I'm starting to close people out of my life, and I don't like it. I don't feel like I can trust much of anyone anymore. Everything is more different that it's ever been. I feel like I have people bring ripped out of my life left and right and I don't know what to do about it. I'm afraid I'm turning into the type of person I've always sworn I wouldn't be.
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[15 Dec 2005|09:56pm] |
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 giddy |
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Hmmm...I never update anymore.
Exams = aklsjdlkajsd.
I have 2 essay's to write tonight for an exam grade and it's already 9:56 yess..
Lots and lots has happened in the past week, I am anxious for it all to just get it figrued out.
On a lighter note, I found this and I think it's cute :)
Ya know, people just don't get it. In fact, I don't even get it anymore..Ever since we met, we've always been really close ;; closer than close. We were best friends, but it seemed like there was somthing there. We were always together, always smiling. Everything in the world seemed to suddenly make sense when you were right there beside me. I felt it, did you not? Everyone else saw it, they even talked about it to me. Did they not to you? all i ever heard was 'gosh you guys are perfect..when are you going to go out?' or 'what are you guys trying to pull? The longest 'will they, wont they' relationship in the history of the world?' All those times we spent together just holding each other? Did they mean nothing to you? I don't know, maybe i'm crazy, maybe i'm blind for ever even imagining us being together. Am i?
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[28 Nov 2005|07:49am] |
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Perfection.
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[20 Nov 2005|03:26pm] |
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Things are really good right now. But I think some of the things I have been doing are going to make me happy for the moment, and then I either am going to get screwed over down the line, or have to face the consequences. alksjdlakjsdhypocriticalaldlkajsd.
♥
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[14 Nov 2005|08:26pm] |
Things are good.
I love my friends.
I love having my license.
End of story.
♥
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[08 Nov 2005|07:08pm] |
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Hey, tomorrow is my birthday.
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[05 Nov 2005|09:43pm] |
Things are exceptionally good right now. Kailey came over Friday after school and we went to the game together. Which was seriously the funnest time I have had in longer then I can remember. And then we went to 5th Quarter and came home. She spent the night and I took her home earlier and went and got my hair cut. I think I like it...I don't know. I did attempt to dye my hair but it's so dark you can hardly see it. It did bleech my pillow though lol whatever.
<3
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[01 Nov 2005|11:06pm] |
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I think there are certain people who are meant to be in my life. People who make me realize, I really don't have it as hard as I make it seem. People who I love to death, and nothing could ever express that enough. Lately things have been changing, (surprise, surprise)...a lot. Some things for the worse, and some things for the better. A break from...everyone, I think is much needed. I need to clear my head and stop analyzing every little thing. My time shouldn't be wasted with with petty, useless thoughts. I need a goal to work for, or something to motivate me. My grades are suffering...severely, Friendships aren't what they used to be, and my parents murder might be in the news soon if they don't lay off. Fuck, once again. Poor me, bullshit.
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[25 Oct 2005|12:48pm] |
I guess people are right when they say posessions/money doesn't make you happy. There is nothing, posession wise that I really want/am lacking. Whatever
I absolutely LOVE this weather. Last night I got in my hottub and plugged in a movie with my hot chocolate. Yeah I know I'm a dork but I don't care.
It makes my day when my friends are in such good moods. However it does make me miss last year times 3168456. I need to stop living in the past laksjdlkajsd.
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| Sweet 16-17 days...yes. |
[23 Oct 2005|02:35pm] |
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The fact that I can get my license in 17 days makes this all bearable. I talked to my mom for basically the first time about it today and she didn't seem to give me a negative about it which was surprising. I have had it in my head that she wouldn't let me get it for a few more months but she said today as long as I drive on a regular basis I will probably be able to get it which is sweet. Also today my parents and grandma were stressing about what I want for my birthday, because I haven't told them anything. And it's so alksjdlakjsd because there really isn't anything I really want except money or a car. And I know I'm not getting a car so aksjdlakjsd. yeah yeah this entry was Pointless.
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[20 Oct 2005|09:39pm] |
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The only reason I even write in here is when I am in this extatic mood or I am complaing, but that's fine. I'm not close to a lot of people anymore, but I'm content. I have a few close friends and I'm fine with that. I don't feel the need to please everyone anymore, because it's impossible and I am sick of failing. I really am trying to focus on the positive of the things I have and not what I am lacking. Although I do hate the fact that I can sit here and act like I know what I want and when I get back to life and it's like I have completely lost focus on reality.
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[15 Oct 2005|12:08pm] |
Thursday Ashley, Steven, and I. And it was too early so we went over to Ashley's and hung out for 2.5 seconds. Then the 3 of us went to Jackson and brought Mrs. Reetz(sp) her balloon cause Ashley was like the only one in the world to know it was her birthday. Then Ashley dropped me and Steven off at my house and we just hung out...finally. Which was funnnnn. Friday I did like nothing, and then Scott Webb called me last night and he came over for a few hours and we hung out. Which was cool once again, cause I haven't seen him in a few months. And then we took him home and I was going to go to Fifth Quarter but I ended up not going cause it got all alskjdalksjd. Okay and today I don't really know what's going on. I am going to the movies with Ashley and I'm not really sure who else to see ElizabethTown later. soo yeah.
Ps.-HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUMMER! :)
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[14 Oct 2005|12:26pm] |
I feel so incedibly happy and I don't know why lol
Everything is just, great right now.
There is nobody or nothing stressing me out which is Grand :)
I have my best friends back and ILOVETHEM.
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[12 Oct 2005|08:52pm] |
Things are really good surprisingly.
I feel better about everything than I have in a long time.
Drama is cleared up to a minimum and people are acually getting along for a change.
It's a 3 day weekend and we have no school Friday.So I'm pretty hyped.
I'm really excited for tomorrow :)
P.S.- Have I mentioned lately that I love Ashley Janay Fulgham ?
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[10 Oct 2005|10:23pm] |
It makes me sad how distant everyone has become.
How the people I used to know so well, have all changed. Not necessarily for the worse, but have just changed.
I feel like I don't know anyone anymore.
People are so quick to suspect the negative,a nd believe every little rumor they hear.
There are 3 people in my life, that I feel like I acaually know no matter what.
And only one person who knows me, the real me. Knowing when I'm upset without me having to say a word.
I feel like I am losing everyone, and there is nothing I can do about it.
I live By this.
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probally will.You will have your heart broken, probally more than once,and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when your was broken. You'll fight with your best friend and you might even fall in love with them. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing so fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too hard, and love like you've never been hurt, because every minute you spend mad or upset is a minute of happiness that you'll never get back.
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[06 Oct 2005|11:22pm] |
She sits and stares
And thinks about the life she once had
The friends that used surrounded her
The barrier of protection that once held her
The smiles that once brightened her face
The family that supported her
The goals she once had
That comfort, that safety, that home...
Is now gone.
Shattered.
Ended.
She no longer sees those friendly faces
Or feels that safety and protection
She doesn't feel like smiling or laughing
Or feel the urge to reach her goals
A single tear runs down her cheek
As she watches friends linked arm and arm walk by,
Talking and laughing,
Giggling and gossiping.
As she watches a boy and a girl
Hug and give each other a sweet kiss
Because she knows that she cant fit in
Another tear streams down her face
And she can taste the bitterness on her wet lips
As she watches a large family together at a restaurant
And a little girl sitting on her grandmothers lap
She watches that same little girl
Mouth to her grandmother
'I want to be just like you one day.'
Because she knows that she was that little girl once
With the protection of her big family
And goals to achieve.
But she knows
She isn't that little girl anymore
Who knows nothing of pain and heartache
But only of bliss and happiness
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[06 Oct 2005|09:26pm] |
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 mixed emotions... |
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music |
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Staind-Fade |
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Wow, long time no update
Let's see...
+I got my best friend back
+/- Me and Matt are on a break? I don't know it's bitter sweet, we need some space...
+ This is a weekend for reuniting I guess you could say,
It consists of hanging out with 2 of my long lost best friends which I never see anymore<3
+Girls Night Tomorrow
-The fact that I feel like I am going into depression and there is ALMOST no reason for that
+Exams today went well I think.
-Exams tomorrow are going to be a bitch and I haven't studied at all
-Long ago ex's who get online and make you feel like a bitch.
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